V. H. King's Ink

Despite the road I paved for myself (a stable full-time career and a blooming garden of creative endeavors), my dreams weren’t immune to a landslide leaving a pile of rubble right on top of them. With the help, generosity, and care of countless people, I’ve made it through that rubble. And you know what? I still keep finding myself in one pothole of uncertainty after another. Suffice it to say…the road I thought I was supposed to be on is now closed.

In February 2022, my doctor informed me that the risk of me continuing to work full time was too high.

The hallmark of my condition, called ME/CFS, is that it saps your ability to do just about everything. Walking, sitting, talking, reading, cooking, cleaning–it all takes way more physical and mental energy than you’d think. I’ve had symptoms of this condition since 2012, at the very least.

ME/CFS isn’t highly researched, but what people do know is that all of a sudden, your condition can take a swan dive. Off a cliff. An Everest-worthy precipice, one might say. In order to avoid (more of) an immediate decline, I took intermittent leave from work throughout the majority of 2022.

Although it helped to finally build more rest into my schedule, I also realized just how burnt out my bodymind had become. There was never enough time to recover from the day before, or the week before that, or that short trip three months ago… Another bonus from ME/CFS? You never feel rested or refreshed, no matter how much you (don’t) do!

It gets a lot worse before it ever gets better…

2023 started off with a BANG!–brain surgery in mid-January, and that sharp decline that I was hoping to delay. I had a tumor the size of a jumbo marshmallow on my pituitary gland. I named him Tom–and, thankfully, Tom has been successfully evicted from my head.

Tom contributed to all sorts of things on my insides going haywire. Unfortunately, his removal sparked further symptoms and a remarkable decrease in my functioning. It’s not the kind of thing any of my physicians have seen associated with the type of surgery I had. If you ask my friends and family, they would tell you it’s probably the ME/CFS. But in order for an official expert opinion, I’ve been referred to the Mayo Clinic. Yay…?

BUT WAIT! There’s More…

Mystery Medical Outcomes is only PART of my reality–one layer on an oil painting of existence. I’ve had to accept (and I have to continue working to accept) the truth that I’m disabled. It’s not a bad word. And accepting the truth gives me a chance to take care of myself in ways I never would have been able to if I kept pushing my body past its limits.

Even with all the detours, I’m finding myself on a better road than what I could have paved for myself. It required a complete shift–out of working, out of my living space, and out of the harmful routines I couldn’t see past. Yet I am more confident in ever about what I really want to do–about what I’m supposed to do.

I’m going to share my art and writing with the world, no matter what.

And the rest?

Well, we’ll just have to find out together!